The light-bearer vs. the One Who Is Light
I once believed that lucifer, the light-bearer, the Black Flame that burns within us all. That portion inside that speaks to greater things - of godhood, of elitism - that portion inside that speaks to a place where we can be above all. That place is a lie. Yes, a lie. A much further deception than all that has brought me to this place. A place of surrender - a place where I can truly know peace and love and mercy. A place to know God and be known by God - to have a relationship built on trust with One who is greater. A place where there is only One who can say that He has ascended and is the Master over all. A place and a purpose above all that I've ever known. A place of supreme loyalty, under a Commander who will never harm me, who will never leave me, who will never back down from those ideals I had been forced to believe - Those ideals that had burned themselves into my very being. Ideals of pain, and how that pain brings power. Ideals of suffering, and how that suffering of others will bring me life. Ideals built on the innocence of others.
I was never innocent. I was never without blame. But somewhere inside there was a time when that could have been true. Others came from outside and took that innocence - perverting to what they desired. I took it back, but not by myself. There is One who we can trust to restore our innocence - His Name is Jesus.
I believed in a purpose. That purpose was to wipe out everyone who was called 'Christian'. That very designation brought such rage inside of me. I knew I had a greater calling - one that would help usher in the end of all of them. I desired it. I felt the hunger each time one of them would speak, to break them and bring them to their knees. I could see the ways I would hurt them - I planned in my own fantasies how I could bring them the most pain. Spiritual warfare? I knew spiritual warfare - whether through ritual, sigils, or simply praying to those dark ones I knew would go out and do my bidding. At what cost? The cost of my own soul? Why was I doing all of that - why would I light the candles and burn the incense and call on the names of my 'gods'. Was it truly what I wanted to do? Or, was I just following someone else's plan and agenda for my life? It was the latter. I had no plans, no agenda of my own. No, they were placed in me from a very early age. I was dark and no one could tell me otherwise.
Until I began to think that maybe what one specific preacher was saying was true. I could possibly think for myself and change. I denied vehemently at first - for months. Then, I thought I could fool this 'god' and pretended to believe that there was a 'God' above all and who could change the course of events in my life. I succeeded in fooling some for a time, but I couldn't fool myself. I can't explain the change in my opinion other than it happened. I was willing, I believe through the prayers of those Christians I thought were so wrong, that God began to help me see the Truth of Who He is. Being on both sides of the road couldn't last for long, I came to see.
I spent many, many hours questioning about this God - but I was in reality questioning myself. When the questions were met by answers from Russ, and I knew I couldn't dispute the logic - there was only one path to take - the path that led out of the darkness and into a pure Light. A path that led away from luciferian beliefs (lies) to a path that truly brought enlightenment and peace. A path that led to Jesus.
I met with Jesus, a personal encounter. He led me to repent of everything I had done in my life - and He forgave me. He cleansed my mind and my heart. He exchanged the blackness/evil I had 'worn' to 'garments as white as snow'. Do I still remember my past? Yes. Does it have any hold on me now? NO! Jesus broke the hold.
I realize there are those who would like to think me weak. I was once as strong as you. I could touch that Black Flame and draw it's power. I saw the death and destruction and gladly took part. But did I have a choice? No. I saw the pain and the torture. I experienced that much deeply in my own life. Did I have a choice in that either? No.
Jesus gave me a choice. He didn't force me to succumb to His 'demands' or rules. He didn't come in anger and want to punish me. He came with a fire in His eyes, but only towards the pain I had been through and the pain I had caused. But He also came with compassion and patience that calmly showed me the way to Him, again, without force. It was my choice.
How much more pain can a person go through before they realize that there just may be another way? The way out of darkness can be frightening to some, if they've never seen the true Light - the true Flame of Jesus that longs to burn brighter and show the real meaning of existence to all.
There were those who were with me from the beginning - those dark ones who I swore loyalty to - those who said they were my friends and would never leave me: When Jesus came, they left - even the strongest of them. I heard them leave. They were angry - they were afraid - not at nor of me, but at and of Jesus. Those who said they'd never leave me, left me when Jesus came into my heart. Actions speak louder than words. He was able to make them leave by His sheer Presence. So, who is the greater - who truly is more powerful? It's not who was placed in us by those who followed the ancient ways of greatness.
"Never love anyone so much that you cannot see them die." Isn't that one of the luciferian principles? When what filled my mind was Jesus on the Cross and then Him standing in front of me asking me what I wanted to do with that knowledge. I wanted to love Him and to serve Him. How many "innocents" must die (of no choice of their own) to give power to those who don't realize what true power really is? There was only One innocent God/Man who was given a choice to die, and He (Jesus) gave His life freely because His Father wanted a relationship with us. He was given choice to suffer and to die - for everyone who might believe. I believed lies. I chose to believe Truth. Everyone can.
From a inner person who by God's love and grace CHOSE to change......and turned to The Lord Jesus Christ
Whoever you are..........if your a person, Jesus went to the cross for you and your life and destiny can change. His love, power and mercy is here now for you.